he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
