At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
