i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
