dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
