You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
