I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
