When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
