Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
