You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
