Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
