I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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