At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
