Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
