piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
