I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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