we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
