Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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