The maid of honor just puked.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
