apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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