listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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