I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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