so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
