she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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