Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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