I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
