My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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