I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
home. puking in laundry basket.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
