well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
