btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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