dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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