Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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