When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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