I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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