i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
