Plan B is the new Plan A
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
