btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
