if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
