You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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