wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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