We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
