I think im going to throw up on grandma
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
