How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
