Im at strip club and am horny
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
