you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
