I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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