Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
