just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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