You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
