She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
