Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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