My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
