dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
