You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
