so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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