dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I love you. Go after that dick
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
