They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
